A new kind of separation

By Posted in Aaron, Army, deployment, El Paso, emotions, Texas Leave a comment

We’re almost a week down in Deployment 2013-2014. I have this nifty little thing lovingly called a “Donut of Misery”, and right now mine looks like this:

DOM

Lovely, right? Whew. 2%. We may or may not be a little farther into this than what this says, but we don’t know exactly how long he’ll be gone.

Honestly, I have had a great week. That totally goes against normal expectations. I had finals this week, so I had that to keep me focused. I finally have a total break from everything.. school, work, husband. Naw, just kidding. ;) I spent the entire afternoon at the spa yesterday, which is something I never thought I’d say. Aaron set me up well before he left with a gift certificate for my birthday. I informed him that he can get me a spa package for every birthday, anniversary and Christmas from now until I die. Srsly.

The weeks before this week, however, were a funny sort of purgatory. You know how it goes… super emotional, crazy, clingy, just downright insane. Me, not him of course. It was probably the worst time we had on the eve of a separation. But now that he’s made it to his destination safely and we’ve been able to chat a few times, and finals are over, I’ve been feeling really really good.

I have a few theories as to why I feel so great even though he’s just left.

1) Basic training had very very little communication. We hadn’t been apart for about two years and so it felt like it was new. There was a lot of hype surrounding his leaving for BCT… it was finally a new job for him, I didn’t know if I was going to move to Arizona with him, etc. I was also still in my first year of teaching and approaching the end of the school year.

2) AIT (job training) in Arizona was spent apart because I had chosen to keep my job in IL so that we could pay down some debt because at that point we literally could not afford for me not to work. We’d be broke.

3) Korea…. ohhhhh Korea. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh ghafesrjghrabi&!&@##. This was probably the single most frustrating thing I’d ever experienced. I quit my full-time job. Derp. I should have known better than to quit before I knew for sure that I’d be heading over the big blue ocean. It was a ridiculous waiting game of whether the Army would approve me to move over there, and then after five months of that BS we just decided that it wasn’t happening. On top of that, we had no idea in which country or when we’d see each other again.

Now… well, now we’ve lived in El Paso for two years. We have an amazing set of friends who really are family to us (including some fellow Illinoisans!). I just successfully finished the first year in my Master’s program, with one year to go. I know where I’ll be seeing Aaron next, not just when. We’re not absolutely drowning in debt, in fact, we’re making great progress. I know the job I’ll be working six, even twelve months from now. I have the best canine companion a girl could ask for.

We’ve been in this life for four years now. This separation is what happens when you sign up for the Army. You learn that life doesn’t start when he gets back; it keeps going. It’s not just you acting like you’re strong; you are strong because of what you’ve gone through, and that’s okay. It’s okay to not be ridden with sadness or anxiety over him leaving. It’s okay to enjoy life. It’s okay for him to make the most out of his time overseas, too.

So, time to kick this into high gear, dudes!

A mild setback

By Posted in Aaron, El Paso, furtherfasterforever, half marathon training, marathon training, New Mexico, racing, running, Texas, ultra Leave a comment

So, I kinda sorta thought I would run the New Mexico Texas Challenge Half or Full.. I think it’s gonna be the half. I ran a couple times this week, but as soon as I stepped off to run yesterday morning, my right knee was hurting. Not a 10 on the infamous “pain scale”, but enough that I couldn’t run on it. I walked back to the house, feeling utterly defeated. It’s like the world heard my proclamation on the interwebz that I WAS GONNA RUN A LOT, MAYBE AN ULTRA, AND ALL ELSE BE DAMNED. But that’s okay, it just means that I need to stretch, maybe slow down, and not run too many miles all at once. Derp.

Of course, this would happen on the same day I get my bee-you-tee-ful new NB Minimus in the mail… srsly. They are gorgggg. (Just kidding, I don’t say gorggg.)

This is unrelated, but I’ve had a revelation about social networking. I’m DONE with following or responding to negativity online. I get enough of that just by being a human on  Planet Earth; why in the world would I subject myself to it of my own accord?? I’m going to be pruning down my newsfeed(s) for sure.

Still long distance

By Posted in Aaron, El Paso, emotions, fitness, furtherfasterforever, marathon training, peace, racing, running, Texas, training, ultra 3 Comments

I don’t know what’s happened in my brain in the past couple weeks, but I want long distance running to be a way of life. I want to want to run most days of the week, and get antsy on the rest days. I want to challenge myself. I want to run an ultra.

I have to be crazy, but then that just becomes par for the course, right?? Anyone willing to run anything over 26.2 miles, either on the road or on a trail, has to be a little off-kilter. It’s the mental and physical challenge that draws me in, and the sense of adventure. The training for an ultra is simple: run. Lots and lots of miles.

KISS. Keep it simple, stupid. Tell me to, and I can run lots and lots of miles. I have a harder time following a specific training plan for a specific number of weeks with a specific amount of miles at a specific pace. Anything that requires a treadmill is gonna have to wait, because going to the gym is really not in my repertoire right now. I enjoy the gym, I have to make my workouts work for me, instead of being a slave to them. I have a dog who needs to be run or walked every day, so it’s a win-win for us.

I’ve been dwelling too much on my past experience as a first-time marathoner. That was two years ago. Two. It’s about time that I grieved that wonderful experience of training with an amazing running partner. There are few things that I’ve done or experienced that have topped crossing that finish line, let alone under my goal time. But I can make it happen again, with a new partner (my dog and/or my husband) and new goals.

It pains me that it’s taken me this long to figure out what’s been blocking that part of my brain that wants to run. I made all kinds of excuses. It’s hot here. It’s windy. It’s hard to find a [safe] open road to run on. We’re at 4,000 ft elevation. I have to get up super early to beat the sun. I have to take Missy running before the kids start walking to school so she doesn’t freak out. Excuses…

I’ve tried other fitness programs. And in the end, this is not about me being a certain weight or BMI or whatever other mumbo-jumbo is out there. This is about me preserving my body, saving my sanity, and making my training do the work for me, not the other way around. Running works for me. It’s cheap, it’s portable, it’s easy… just one foot in front of the other. The rest is gravy.

Biscuits and gravy. On a sunny Saturday morning after completing 12 miles I honestly wasn’t sure I’d do or not, and by 9 AM to boot. That’s the first long run on a Saturday morning I’ve done, besides races, since we moved to Texas. So, running and I? We’re still together.. and long distance works for us. It makes the heart grow fonder.

Busy.

By Posted in Army, El Paso, family, fitness, New Mexico, running, teaching, Texas Leave a comment

We are in the fifth week of the semester already. This week has been crazy! It’s not that things I do are particularly challenging; it’s that every couple hours I’m starting something different. I practically live in Liberal Arts building. But I love this program. This week I taught a class in preparation to teach it as an instructor in the fall (in Texas you have to have 18 hours to teach college level). It was great. I love that I know what I’m good at, and I love that what I’m good at is also something I enjoy. I just hope I’m not shooting myself in the foot when I graduate and going back out into a sucky teaching field. Also, who knows where we’ll be stationed in a year and a half.

Lent is underway, and one thing I was thinking of giving up was social media; however, I don’t think that’s necessary! I’m not on nearly as much as I was, and it’s been a welcome change. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to be “all in”… and I am, out of both desire and necessity.

Spring break commences in only three short weeks, and my sister Emily is coming to visit! I’m so excited to give her a little tour of the Southwest. A few places we will visit are Mesilla, Albuquerque, Santa Fe, and of course different places in El Paso. Hopefully the weather will be good and not too windy. You know what they say around here, Febrero loco y marzo otro poco. Let’s hope the wind is poco.

I’ve been sick this week too, but I motivated mentally to run more, so I hope it will translate to the physical realm! My next post should be introducing to my new nephew, who is delaying his arrival into the world (my sister Leah was due three days ago!). Little stinker. ;)

I just kept on runnin’…

By Posted in birthday, El Paso, emotions, racing, running, Texas Leave a comment

When you think about how many factors have to line up in order for a person to run, it’s pretty amazing that any of us do it, let alone enjoy it. I’ve been reading Born to Run about the Tarahumara tribe that’s dubbed “super-human runners”. They don’t run in fancy $100 shoes, or eat fancy energy gels or run in fancy races with rock bands lining the finish line. They run basically to run. A Forrest Gump philosophy, if you will. The way the book is written makes you want to go run an ultra. Like, tomorrow.

I’ve been working on shortening my strides, which has done wonders for everything physically. I’m not exerting as much energy from step to step, my pace is actually better (or maybe that’s just because I’ve been running regularly for a couple weeks). I don’t feel as out of breath, and from the way it stands now, it doesn’t feel like I need new shoes even though the ones I have now (New Balance Minimus) are almost a year old.

So, today. I set out for an initial mile with Missy just around the neighborhood. Then I came home, ate breakfast with Aaron before he went to work, did a little housework while breakfast settled, and then I went back out. I thought, Oh, maybe I’ll do three more, down McCombs and back. I went down McCombs, and just kept on going. The picture above is a park about 2.1 miles from my house with a mile-long paved trail. I ran around that trail and back home, putting in a total of 5 miles after breakfast.

Now, 5 miles isn’t necessarily something to boast about when I have run 26.2 at one go before. But it’s the overall effect, how it made me feel. When I run just to run, it’s like I’m detoxing without having to drink nasty spinach drinks, or eat lemons for a week (or whatever it is that people do to “detox”). I feel all the crap, physical and emotional, just go away.

So what caused this amazing hour of my life? Maybe it was the inspiration that is Born to Run. Maybe it was the perfectly balanced breakfast of eggs, avocado slices, and toast all washed down with a Lo-Carb Monster. Maybe it was that I haven’t been eating nearly as much junk lately. Maybe it was that I just decided to relax and run for the joy of running. Maybe it was that I listened to exclusively worship music. Maybe it was the perfectly clear blue skies and sunshine on my face.

Who knows. But it felt great.

Maybe I should add “Run ultra (50k+) before I turn 30″ to my bucket list…

Twenty thirteen, a glimpse.

By Posted in Uncategorized 1 Comment

We’re only three full days into the new year, but I have a feeling it’s gonna be a good one. I’ve been thinking about what my resolutions are, what they should be, and I have resolved to not over-commit. I tend to do this, a lot. With work, friends, family, races… and most of the pressure is self-inflicted. I’m gonna stop that.

This year, I want to strive for simplification and balance of my life. I want to really be “all in” with my relationships, marriage, school, and work. I don’t want to commit in my mind to do all these different things for/with people and then be unnecessarily disappointed in myself for not checking off every single thing.

I want to stay healthy. Over the past couple months, I’ve been somewhat successfully balancing calories in and calories out. I’ll do a few races, I’ll run some miles, I’ll burn some calories. But I also will not starve myself with popular diets or kill myself with crazy workouts. 

Christmas break was great, and there is a need for some “detox”, but this year I feel it’s more spiritual detox I need than physical. Aaron and I went with pastors (and friends!) from our church to the World Missions Summit in Fort Worth after a busy but nice week visiting family and friends in Illinois. Our call/decision to serve in the Middle East somewhere was confirmed, and we had a great opportunity to meet with some Live/Dead team members over dinner one day and sporadically throughout the weekend. 

Many many things were spoken to my heart over the weekend through worship, speakers and times of prayer. I haven’t even digested it all yet, let alone put it into succinct (well, kinda) words on this blog. We are excited about our future steps that will be coming to pass in just a few years, whether that’s going directly into the field or parking it in the US for a bit longer to raise kids/get my PhD/work. I can tell you for sure that the future will not involve reenlistment into the US Army. That, my friends, is a miracle I’m not going to be praying for. ;)

But prayer is something I will delve into more this year. There are so many things in life that cannot be discerned just by looking at the surface, and I really want to do the will of the Lord. Like, really.  I want to daily fulfill my purpose on earth, and that requires way more prayer than a 10-second period of saying “grace” at every meal!

This post is a bit retrogressive… so let’s continue, shall we? Before embarking on our crazy week in Illinois with the Summit to follow, I finished out the semester strong with a 4.0. A lofty goal of mine is to keep a 4.0 through grad school, because I know I can do it. This time around in college I don’t have to work crazy hours or take 5+ classes at a time (thank GOD!), so there’s no reason for me not to get all A’s!

Here’s to a happy, healthy, challenging 2013!

The year of big girl panties: a recap.

By Posted in Aaron, Army, baby, El Paso, emotions, family, food, hardship, illinois, New Mexico, PR, racing, running, sewing, Texas, thankful, traveling 2 Comments

My presence on my blog has been scant recently. I come to my laptop tonight from my sewing table. I always seem to think better when I’m sewing… my mind is free and it wanders while my hands are still busy. I’m so fidgety, just like my grandpa.

I doubt I’ll be posting much over the next few weeks; I finish up the semester this coming week, in a little over a week we fly to Illinois to spend Christmas with family, then we come back to Texas to go to the World Missions Summit in Fort Worth. I hope the last few weeks of 2012 go slowly and we’re able to enjoy them as much as possible.

So, the title. In the military-spouse world, when we talk about getting through “grown-up” things by gritting our teeth and putting our whiny ways aside, we call that “putting our big girl panties on”. A silly metaphor, maybe, but you can’t wear Disney Princess underwear forever. At least, I haven’t found any in my size…

This was a year of gritting my teeth and getting through things. It wasn’t a horrible year; I wouldn’t even say it was a bad year. But there were a lot of tough situations that have forced me to mature (we all need that, right??) and trust God more. That’s a generalization though, for sure.

Two-thousand twelve started out with me working a job that I severely disliked. Severely. Life is short, and in my 26 years I like to say that I’ve learned how to make sound decisions, so I decided to quit. I barely had another “job” lined up… nannying. It was enjoyable enough, but definitely something I wouldn’t want to do long term. I love kids. I love other people’s kids, for the most part. But I don’t have kids yet, so it’s safe to say that taking care of other people’s kids when I haven’t yet decided to go down that road just isn’t fun sometimes. However, on a farm in southern New Mexico, I finally learned what was important in life and became content in my situation.

I experienced a couple more firsts this year, namely the death of a close loved one, and the absence of my husband during this time. Actually, the absence of my family during the few days before I flew to Illinois. I would not relive those days or wish them on anyone. Never in my life had I been so anxious and desperate that I couldn’t even muster an appetite, and if you’ve been around me for even a day you know that I love food! It was awful. I am very lucky that I was able to go home and say a proper goodbye.

This year was also the first that my husband and I have gone on separate trips out of the country. While I would have loved to have him with me in Honduras, and I would have loved to go with him (sorry, still have to be vague about where!), it was a good experience to travel on my own. It only feeds my desire to travel somewhere every few months!

And as an ongoing event of 2012, I’ve finally become happy(ier) with my body and also with my fitness and eating habits. I haven’t been tracking my calories or paces for awhile now, and it’s freeing. Having no expectations of my paces makes good races and paces that much sweeter. I was just getting so bogged down with looking at my watch constantly and figuratively beating myself up over it, and then getting on the scale and beating myself up about those numbers. Damn numbers. Done. Done done done.

One of the most freeing aspects of 2012 was that I’ve finally, finally, FINALLY surrendered my baby fever. We, my husband and I, came to the conclusion that we are not ready for children yet, despite what people say. What do people really know anyway? They just want to oogle and stalk pictures of your family on Facebook; they’re not thinking of the sleepless nights, poopy diapers, and expenses that come with having children. We want to be a little selfish for awhile still. We want to finish degrees and fly on planes to cool places and just be us for awhile longer. Our family is complete the way it is now. It’s taken me awhile to be okay with that, but now I am. This pretty much sums it up:

my dog

Thanks, Jess!

…but really. My dog is awesome.

2012 was absolutely 100% essential for my development as an adult. I wouldn’t do it again, but I wouldn’t change it either, at least the things that weren’t outside of my control. 2013 will see a subsequently 27-year-old Elizabeth with her big girl panties on, guns a-blazin’. Strange picture…. but whatever. ;)