>our identity in Christ

>i’ve felt useless. not so much when i am doing things like sewing or babysitting or family gatherings, but when i am alone in our apartment with my thoughts racing. i know that i am not useless, my husband is so gracious and tells me how i am the farthest thing from it.

since i can remember i’ve had a title. student. clarinet player. singer. pianist. piano teacher. college student. spanish major. reader. girlfriend. daughter. wife. sister. granddaughter. fiance. wife. mrs. w. i have found my pleasure for living everyday in my titles and roles.

since i was 14, i have always been in school full time, worked full time, or both. i am finding a lack of purpose without doing either of those things.

i come back again and again to the five statements of faith that beth moore gives in believing God:
-God is who He says He is
-I am who God says I am
-God can do what He says He can do
-I can do all things through Christ
-God’s Word is alive and active in me

correct me if i’m wrong, but nowhere does that say a person has to work or go to school full-time to have an identity in Christ. simply stated, whatever i do, i can do all things through Christ. in any situation, God is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do.

if God’s Word is alive and active in me, then what do i have to fear? what other purpose is more important on this earth than me fulfilling my calling that is written in the Word of God?

at this juncture with the very big transition that will happen soon, i don’t feel led to find a job. i’ve been praying that God would close doors that need to be closed, even if i’m holding them open. i applied for a couple jobs here in town for places that were hiring and for whatever reason, didn’t get them. i learned that i cannot teach in korea under the visa i will have as a military dependent so that door is closed (although i’ve heard i actually can get a work visa on top of the other visa). i’m just not feeling it. i need to go with that feeling.

by no means am i trying to be lazy. but in the past i’ve thrown myself into situations, trying to control it, and they end up in futility anyway. trying to join the army, applying to utsa, applying to jobs in texas.. then our orders changed. i should learn by now that i do not have control over a lot in my life, nor should i strive for it.

my last paycheck comes the first part of august. i of course am worried about finances after that. i know that God will provide. i believe that He hasn’t even begun to show us what blessings and provision He has for us.

i need to let my husband lead. ironically, i have been praying for wisdom and discernment for him and yet when he gives me his opinion on something i reject it and think that i know better. God equips men with the ability to lead out of logic, most of the time, and i’m depending on that in my husband. i know that if it were up to me, i would be on a plane now. the reason i was even looking into teach full time over there was because i could have a really good reason to get over there sooner.

a few months ago, right before my birthday and learning we were coming to korea, i felt a strong word:

“you are ready to receive a portion of My promise – indeed the storehouses of heaven will open for you and you will receive blessing on blessing. keep your heart pure, child. seek not the one who may be found in the world.”

“blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” matthew 5:8

“cease striving, and know that I am God.” psalm 46:10

“whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” colossians 3:23

again i will say,

if God’s Word is alive and active in me, then what do i have to fear? what other purpose is more important on this earth than me fulfilling my calling that is written in the Word of God?