>Contrary to our 21st-century ideas of the modern self-sufficient woman, I will tell you that submitting to my husband in our marriage has provided a freedom for us that I never imagined.
We have joked before about Aaron’s being able to make “executive decisions”. Mostly in the past this has been for what restaurant we want to go to if we can’t decide, or what to do on the weekend. Lately, it has been more real as we are coming up against some important decisions.
I have been reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian and while I’m not that far into it, I see the importance and actual necessity of praying for Aaron and the decisions we make together. This is not a relationship where he just makes a decision without even discussing it with me first. What I’m talking about is that we discuss all our options, he takes my opinion to heart, and then he makes the final decision. Since I know that he does care about my opinion and respects me as his partner, I know that his decision will be the best one for us. If I have doubts, we discuss them and we pray.
It’s a circle, but not a vicious one. It’s a circle of discussion, prayer, and mutual respect that lead to the final decision about something.
Let me give you an example. When Aaron found out he was getting laid off, we discussed our options. One, I could keep working full-time and he could work part-time while going to school full-time. We hadn’t even started the Dave Ramsey class at this point (December of 2008) and we knew that taking out more loans was not an option or even a good idea. So that was out. I was actually the one to mention the military, and I didn’t even know he was browsing the website for the reserves.
I again was the one who suggested he go full-time with it. It would provide him with a job, education and benefits that we could handle. It was a jump we were willing to make. And we realized that with a guaranteed paycheck for him, we could pay off our debt and I could be a stay-at-home mom when we have children. I gave my opinion, he took it to heart, and then he made the decision that we would see the recruiter the next week. And here we are! It hasn’t been easy, of course, but I think following through with this is easier than wearing ourselves out by working and going back to school and racking up even more debt. (I know some couples choose differently, but this was best for us.)
We followed the same process when we decided for me to stay here and work another school year. (It was actually my idea again, but his final decision.)
Another even more timely example is our situation right now. We have a chunk in savings, and I have some money coming in. We could easily have brought me over to Korea before now. Why don’t we, even with these resources? Well, we believe that in the end it will be better for us to wait for orders to go through. I believe that because Aaron is not only the head of the household, but the soldier, that he knows what is best for his career and what will go over well with his command. I would never want to do anything that could jeopardize his reputation or standing with his command.
And I know, since I’ve been praying my face off for wisdom and discernment for Aaron, that if he feels it best to move me over there before paperwork goes through, then he has a darn good reason other than missing me.
My role is to contribute my opinion after having prayed, and then the next step is for me to trust my husband and continue to pray in his decision-making. This allows for freedom for us in our marriage, and we understand and live out our God-given roles. We are making this work the biblical way with Aaron being submitted to Christ first and loving me with the love that Christ has for His Church (Ephesians 5:25 states, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That’s a tall order!)
Now, looking back, we can see that this decision for Aaron to join the military was definitely the right one. It’s pushed us so far outside our comfort zone so that we have to have faith. I don’t think we would have been as challenged spiritually had we gone the other route. Like I’ve mentioned before, we wanted to get stationed overseas. And we are.
I really thought this post would be longer, but that’s our relationship in a nutshell. It’s amazing how God can work in a marriage if both parties are both submitted to the Lord first! There’s no way this would work if that first requirement is not met.