>I posted a blog a few weeks ago about how the W’s got started, at least this set of W’s (Aaron has three brothers, two of whom are married). Here we go again with the history. With an eight-hour day and long run behind me, and an evening full of fall-tinged air, hot chocolate and light from my “new” lamps, let me enlighten you.
We were talking about last night how much we’ve both changed as people in the past seven years. It’s been amazing, really, that we’ve gotten through all the changes relatively unscathed. We’ve been challenged and grown in the Lord; there is no doubt in my mind about that.
But I just think about how we could have done things differently “back then”. (Let me just say first though, that I love the fact that there is a “back then” for us.) So, to continue. We made a lot of big decisions, the first being to work through distance and hardship from the get-go. We’ve made decisions in which hindsight proves inevitably to be 20/20. And if we had been the people back then that we are now, maybe we would have made different decisions. Some of them we are not proud of, but there are forgiveness and restoration.
But as Aaron pointed out last night, we made decisions based on who we were at the time and what we would have done at the time. While I say unendingly that I would have done things differently, we serve a God who uses all sorts of circumstances for our good.
Let’s talk about that for a second. Romans 8:28 states, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” This does not mean that He works the best for what we want, but for what is best for us. It may not be all puppies and rainbows. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that the hardest lessons are learned throughout circumstances that are less than desirable at the time. We have a theme of time going on here. Of course we do! God works all things in His time, for our good in the end. Not in our time for what we want.
Make no mistake that there are more circumstances in my life than not being with my husband. The situation in itself is so multi-faceted. Along with his being gone, I’ve had to really dig deep and dig out the roots of insecurity, hopelessness, selfishness, depression, and anxiety. I’m farther along on some than others, but it goes to show how God will use one big life change to really transform the person you are into something so much more trusting and hopeful than you ever thought you could be.
Now, I have the faith that our finances will be taken care of. That’s not just because we have a savings account with some numbers attached. It’s because, through our financial hardship (and like we talked about last night, fortunately we’ve never been the textbook definition of poor), God has proven Himself to provide time and time again. There is a two-way street to that, as I’ve talked about before, with tithing and being a good steward overall of our earthly possessions.
Back “in the day” of working 30+ hours a week + 16 semester hours + a long-distance boyfriend, I didn’t have the same faith. Then it was truly only a mustard seed. God was starting a work in me, and while it’s not perfect (a synonym is complete), I know that I am just along the path of completion. And of course my faith is multi-faceted as well. God used all those tough circumstances for our good in the end. Praise Him for it! Without Him I would be such an obnoxious, insecure, codependent, anxious, depressive mess!
I’m reading So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore right now and she just speaks to my heart. I see my journey from being 100% insecure to 100% trying to trusting God (I say trying because like I said, I’m not there yet). I can look back and see how both of us have grown as individuals and as a couple. I love him. A lot.