>There are two main negative emotions that come from being separated from your spouse, at least in my understanding. Let me say that 95% of the time, I don’t feel either of these. Tonight is an exception, one of those “Life just isn’t fair” evenings.
Jealousy. I get jealous of seeing couples happy together, holding hands, kissing, even just legs touching. Jealous of people who get to go home to their spouse, or who just found out they’re pregnant. Not of the pregnant, but of the sharing of the happiness at the same time and in the same, well, country. Jealous of date nights, movie dates and even just going to the grocery store. Jealous that wives have their husbands to take out the trash, or even kill a bug. Getting to see each other on wedding anniversaries and birthdays. I took all these things for granted.
Loneliness. This goes hand-in-hand with jealousy. I still sleep on my side of the bed. His side ends up being filled with blankets, pillows and this laptop on the portable desk. I am so sick of having this computer on 24/7. I love being able to talk to my husband but dang. When I get to Korea I will not have this silly thing attached to my fingers. Sometimes it’s just too quiet in here. I miss even when he’d sit in the living room while I make dinner. We don’t have to talk. I just miss his company. What is it even like to live with someone? You forget after awhile, and I’d get territorial when he did come home on leave. My bathroom, my bedroom, my clothes on the floor. My dishes, my mess. No one to blame it on but myself. My books, my slippers, my lunch that needs to be made. I just want it to be “our” again.
One thing I got over really fast was sitting in church by myself. That was easy. He used to help with kids’ church so I got used to sitting through service alone. Something else that was easy was getting to sleep and not feeling scared to live alone. I never have trouble falling asleep. There have been times when I’ve had a dream about him and woken up to hug him and realize he’s not there. That really sucks. Or when I wake up cold in the middle of the night and have to turn the heat up instead of curling up with him.
Our lives will definitely go through adjustment after we’re reunited. I know this was a really whiny post. But I’m just really missing him tonight, and lately. Maybe it’s a sign that this is almost over. It’s counter-intuitive but I always get like this right before we get to see each other.
I know that the Lord doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, and that His strength is made perfect in our weakness.
And that’s all.