>I have no idea what there is in my future, but the Lord is doing a new work in me. There is a heightened awareness of Him, an increased desire to learn from the Bible, and when I don’t spend time in prayer and study, I can so tell! Not that I couldn’t tell before, but when one day you receive a word and an immeasurable peace, and the next you don’t spend time in prayer, you can tell. Without Him I’m restless, anxious, a worrywart, insecure. I’m sure others can tell, too.
Another week is gone, and who knows how many more weeks I’ll blog to you from Illinois. Thus far, my greatest fears have realized. When we got orders for Texas initially, I was disappointed it wasn’t overseas, but then realized I wouldn’t have to do all the darned paperwork. It’s not enough that we got Korea, then paperwork sitting on someone’s desk for six weeks, then put on a waitlist, then to move up the list to be 11 out of 202. Eleven. Then for the list to stop. Then for Aaron having a hard time getting a meeting with the one person who can approve us to live off-post so we can get housing allowance. Still waiting on that.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
My worst fear out of all of this, worst case scenario, is that I live here until June when Aaron is done with his one year in Korea (with me there on orders it would have been longer).
It would not be the most desirable situation. But he’s been there for almost five months. What’s seven more months in the span of life? In the span of the time we’ve been apart so far?
I know that there is a plan either way. And like Chip Ingram said in his podcast for October 27, it’s not Plan B or C. It’s Plan A. On the good side, I’d be able to put my apartment back together, sign a six-month lease since I’m on a month-to-month right now and have been since June. Is it sad that I’ve already looked into doing the Illinois Marathon with Gabriela on May 1?
I think we get comfort in our human brains of making plans when a pathway doesn’t even exist yet, at least one that we can see.
Mundane details aside, there is a new work being done in me. I am moving into a new season of belief, trust and obedience.
It’s interesting: with both running and knowing the Lord, there has been an incredible breakthrough. Gabriela and I ran last night and we were chatting about running a marathon. I mentioned how silly it would be for me to build this base of 9-10 miles at a decent pace (between 10:30-11 min/mile) and then waste it. To stop running by falling off the wagon somehow.
It’s the same with my walk with the Lord. I don’t want to be comfortable because I know that I will backtrack on the progress He’s made in me. It’s so crazy how He does give us the desires of our hearts, and He gives us knew desires to ask for. Years ago I never would have thought I’d be here, asking, sometimes pleading, to never be comfortable. I know my potential and I have a mind to never waste it.
That’s my motivation in life. I know who I am in Christ and have a confidence that is not my own. I no longer compare myself to others (those who do will be without understanding [II Cor. 10]). I can truthfully say that I don’t care to see myself through the world’s eyes.
“We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us… For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.” II Cor. 10:13, 18
I boast in the Lord, in what He’s done for me and the incredible change He’s brought about in my life. I am not perfect, I have not yet attained everything of what He has for me, but I choose daily to do my best to walk blameless in His sight.
I know what my ministry is right now, whether it’s Korea or Illinois.
Chip Ingram said, paraphrased, “By His wisdom, He will produce the best possible results in you by the best possible means.”
A.W. Tozer: “Wisdom, among other things, is the ability to devise perfect ends and to achieve those ends by the most perfect means. It sees the end from the beginning, so there can be no need to guess or conjecture. Wisdom sees everything in focus, each in proper relation to all, and is thus able to work toward predestined goals with flawless precision.”
Hmm. That’s some food for thought.