>I invented the word "perfectionism"

>Well, maybe that’s too bold of a statement.

In my “perfect” mind, nothing is ever good enough. I read this book cover to cover growing up.

I can run two and a half miles tonight with a pace of 9:31, which is great for me, and still not be happy.

I can get a job that seemed to fall out of the sky (as my current job did back in August) and still feel just “eh” about it.

I can graduate with a 3.74, magna cum laude, and still not be happy because I didn’t achieve summa cum laude, even though I was only .07 away.

I can work many hours a week, do extra activities, take care of the apartment and still feel guilty about taking time to relax.

I can learn how to say “no” on a daily basis to doing more and then feel guilty later for not taking it on.

I can be successful and fulfilled in my teaching career but still look back wondering what medical school would have been like.

I can try to be the peacemaker in every situation, but believe it or not, people actually are responsible for their own actions, and not everyone likes me all the time, or at all. And that’s life. But I still feel like I fail.

This “disease” has haunted me my entire life. Read: entire. From piano lessons to reading to spelling to clarinet to school to boys to… everything. There have been times when I really have felt like I’ve put in my all and I am content with the results. For example, my recent races. I prepared and achieved and that’s that.

Perfectionism is just another name for our lurking enemy, “seeking whom he may devour”. Like we talked several weeks ago in our college/young adult small group, he doesn’t care what name he goes by as long as he gets attention. And Lord knows, literally, how much I’ve given in.

I think what it comes down to is selfishness. It’s so selfish to think it’s all about us. That my achievements in life are so important that people are watching for the first step in which I falter. Who does that?? … And if they do, then they need to “tend to their own  plate”, as my daddy would say.

I think that honestly it will be an uphill battle, arrows at the ready. The truths in God’s word will be my weapons, and the knowledge and presence of the Lord will be my shield.

If you struggle with this in any way, or with low self-esteem because you compare yourself to everyone around you, please take a moment to read this:

” ¹² We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. ¹³ We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the sphere of service God himself has assigned to us, a sphere that also includes you. ¹⁴ We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. ¹⁵ Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our sphere of activity among you will greatly expand, ¹⁶ so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. For we do not want to boast about work already done in someone else’s territory. ¹⁷ But, “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” ¹⁸ For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.” [[II Cor. 10:12-18]]