The battle going on inside my mind, that is.
The solution to contentment in life, I think, is to embrace circumstances.. good or bad, and to be thankful in everything. Not necessarily for everything, but in everything… that there’s a greater purpose to whatever is swirling around you.
I am working on just embracing and letting go all at the same time, be happy with my life and just live the Spirit-filled life. Gosh, it sounds so simple, doesn’t it?
My best friend’s philosophy is that everything good stems from love and everything evil stems from pride. How true this is.
I am prideful… of my education, of my marital status, of many parts of my past. But mostly I don’t want to embrace my life right now, because it would conflict with how I used to feel about “stay-at-home wives”, or those who worked only a little bit. I thought they were lazy… surely they can make themselves useful. They don’t have children, and why in the world are they wasting their education on cooking, knitting, reading, etc??
Truth is, pride aside, I love being at home, and cooking, cleaning, baking, knitting, reading, sewing, cross-stitching, upcycling. I love making a home out of a house. Maybe it’s because I saw how well my mom did it… she’s an excellent homemaker. So organized, resourceful, and just good at everything. She’s been teaching full-time for years now, but I have lots of fond memories helping her in the kitchen and on the sewing machine. I was taught how to sew on a button about the time I had enough hand-eye coordination… and somehow the crafts are in my genes as well.
I delighted in making dinner and dessert for small group last night…. pulled pork BBQ sandwiches, tomato/cucumber/onion salad, and oatmeal apple crisp. It was all gone (which is a cook’s best compliment!) and when people asked me for the recipe, I told them it’s from my mom and that she never writes anything down (except for the apple crisp.. that’s in the red Betty Crocker cookbook). Guess what? I hardly do, either! Mostly I use recipe for inspiration unless it’s baking… then it’s important to be (mostly) exact.
Annnnnnyway…. I admit it, or lots of things…
I like working only ten hours a week, or thereabouts.
I like being at home to eat breakfast with Aaron when he gets home from PT.
I like surprising him with cookies or whatever goodies I decided to bake… or sending them to work with him.
I like sitting on the couch with iced tea and getting some [amateur] knitting done.
I like being able to call my aunt during the day to chat about desert life and life 1500 miles away from “home”.
I don’t mind not having lots of excess money… we get by just fine right now and we’re blessed. God is so good. For us, we’re really the richest we’ve ever been ($25k of debt GONE, baby!)
I don’t mind not having lesson plans to prepare, outfits to iron, and 10-hour days.
I don’t mind not having a crazy beefed-up resume with tons of volunteering. I love my job at Sylvan and I love tutoring!
So there you have it. I’ve come clean.