I’m back. I’m changed, refreshed, renewed. By the only One who can do that to this stubborn [L]ittle girl.

I’ve been busy digging, hacking away at something so dangerous and deathly to our souls: the root of bitterness.

It was overcoming me, holding me down as I writhed and screamed, and as much as I wanted to get away, I slept with Bitterness. Over and over again.

But I had to get away, get it away. It was stealing the joy I found in just… life itself. In friendships. In celebrating new lives. It was destroying the medicine I found in running, expending energy in the best way I know how.

I’ve given up, given Bitterness to the One who can root it out and destroy it for good. I’m free, released to love people and love myself as I should.

(1) Surely God is good to Israel, To those who are pure in heart! (2) But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling; My steps had almost slipped. (3) For I was envious of the arrogant, As I saw the prosperity of the wicked. (4) For there are no pains in their death; And their body is fat. (5) They are not in trouble as other men; Nor are they plagued like mankind… (21) When my heart was embittered, And I was pierced within, (22) Then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a brute beast before Thee. (23) Nevertheless I am continually with Thee; Thou hast taken hold of my right hand. (24) With Thy counsel Thou wilt guide me, And afterward receive me to glory. (25) Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth. (26) My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

~Psalm 73

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