I'm here to tell you that there is no end-all be-all fix to mental illness. In some ways, as I've been taking off and discarding old layers of myself, I find even more that I need to address. It's depressing, quite literally. I only have so much time in a day, and so much energy … Continue reading There is no fix but through
Category: adulting
Broken heart but healing
Last month, my heart was broken into tiny pieces when our beloved Missy died. I think this experience has impacted the progress I've been making and work I've been diligently doing. I guess you could say it was the epitome of the word "triggered" - so many feelings and memories of events came rushing back … Continue reading Broken heart but healing
New job, who dis?
It's halfway through August and I've had a lot of feelings come up. I'm not returning to the classroom as I resigned at the end of the year, but my body thinks I am. It's what we call "fake fall" on the East Coast, meaning the temps have dropped a little bit but will return … Continue reading New job, who dis?
What is ambition, really?
Have I ever really been ambitious or singular about one particular thing in my life? That's the question I'm walking around with this morning. Also, what has been/is my ambition? And does it align at all to my place in a capitalistic society? For years I was a teacher. While I would say I had … Continue reading What is ambition, really?
Being alone is difficult
I know that when I feel anxious or swimming in thoughts, I need to just write them down. It's amazing the clarity that can be realized when I put my anxious thoughts to rest. Being alone is hard for me. Ironically, I'm an introvert. But I think in today's terms I'd be considered an "extroverted … Continue reading Being alone is difficult
Recovery of the mind & being an agent of change in society at large
Recovery is hard, but recovery of the mind is even harder. Since I've found myself with quite a lot of free time, I've been thinking a lot. Often to my detriment thanks to those lovely thought spirals. But as I round the corner in recovery, now is the time to really consider and examine my … Continue reading Recovery of the mind & being an agent of change in society at large
Undoing the world
Recovery is going well. Physical recovery, that is. Yesterday I felt more human that I'd felt in a week since major surgery. I was able to go down the stairs in a normal fashion and get myself showered. All that in addition to making coffee and fixing breakfast. It's amazing how the little things make … Continue reading Undoing the world
My hysterectomy, aka beginning of a new chapter (Days 0-4)
For a couple months now I've been meticulously preparing for major surgery - hysterectomy and another excision procedure for endometriosis. As I write this I'm on day 4 post-op and I'm feeling pretty good! Let's do this! Even though I've already had a different surgery for endo four years ago, chronic pain, horrible periods, etc, … Continue reading My hysterectomy, aka beginning of a new chapter (Days 0-4)
Controlled chaos, at the very least
I think I've figured it out. The reason why I'm in a very frequent state of existential angst. I feel like I'm going up a creek in many areas of my life. I'm looking for solutions, even proposing solutions, but very few seem to be picking up what I'm putting down. It could be me. … Continue reading Controlled chaos, at the very least
Don’t look down
It's what people say when you're at an uncomfortable height. It's advice and admonishment. It's a warning against the inevitable void that will entice you to fall. It could be a bend from reality, a willful ignorance of what actually exists. At some point, we have to look down and get real. We have to … Continue reading Don’t look down
mercies per mile 
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