Mental illness is a bitch. She's the shadow behind you when you look in the mirror. She's the one who whispers, "I'll always be with you." And she's not wrong. I had a stark realization that this will forever be with me. I can't shake it. You name it, I've tried everything. Prayer. Medication. Meditation. … Continue reading My constant companion(s)
I think so many people across God's green earth would agree with the sentiment of "Good riddance, 2020." "Peace out." "Fuck off." "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." Twenty-twenty was a year. And damn, does it feel good to be about three weeks away from it, to have 2020 growing smaller … Continue reading “Good riddance, 2020.”
There's been a lot that's come up in recent months that I haven't expected to address right now. And lots that I have expected. On the surface, I will be reaching "advanced maternal age" when I turn 35 in April 2021, notwithstanding the fact that I don't have children over whom to be maternal. They … Continue reading On the edge of thirty-five
As the plane circled Midway, I was fuming. Angry. Upset. And desperately wishing the pilot would turn us back to Baltimore. I looked out the window and my body told me that it remembered the intense, confusing, and raw grief I experienced several years ago when my grandpa died and I flew 'home' for the … Continue reading Out of grief, thankfulness
School is out here in Maryland (finally) and consequently I've been able to do errands like grocery shopping and running to the post office during regular business hours. It's been glorious. And I know when late August rolls around I will whine and complain that now I don't have time for work because I just … Continue reading Unconditional ice cream
Watching someone die. A participial phrase hanging in the balance. One evening this summer I watched someone I love die. It has to be one of the most heart-wrenching and beautiful events I've witnessed in my third-of-a-century life. It's beautiful in the objective sense of the word... unique and relatable and human and precious. All … Continue reading Watching someone die
I was finishing my Christmas shopping at the grocery store just a mile from my house. The check out line wasn't particularly long but the person in front of me needed a price check. So there I was, browsing the candy like a kid when I saw it. Mentos. I love the fruity ones, but … Continue reading Grocery Checkout Memories
I use Instagram fairly regularly, probably with more regularity now that I have opted out of Facebook. I know, I know, Instagram is owned by Facebook blah blah blah. Everyone's been posting their "Top Nine" recently - the most liked photos in their feeds. Once again, social media panders and quite frankly takes advantage of … Continue reading Breaking News: “Top Nine” Doesn’t Capture Most Important Moments
She was waiting for me, and that was the realization I had when my mom let me know that Mimi was declining fast and now receiving hospice care. When we got there, she was in her bed and though I'd never seen someone dying in person before, it was evident that this is what was … Continue reading She waited.
I'm reading another book about death, called Knocking on Heaven's Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death. Even in 2018 it amazes me how little Americans talk about this complex something that ails every single human and living thing on the planet. Naturally when I think of the word life I also think … Continue reading Life
mercies per mile 
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