I'm here to tell you that there is no end-all be-all fix to mental illness. In some ways, as I've been taking off and discarding old layers of myself, I find even more that I need to address. It's depressing, quite literally. I only have so much time in a day, and so much energy … Continue reading There is no fix but through
Category: depression
Changing the tone of self-talk
For my whole life, I've equated what I do with who I am. As in, I have believed that my actions demonstrate the type of person I am. This means that for my whole life, I've been labeling myself. Applying dichotomies to my character, oftentimes false. If I said I'm not sure where I learned … Continue reading Changing the tone of self-talk
My constant companion(s)
Mental illness is a bitch. She's the shadow behind you when you look in the mirror. She's the one who whispers, "I'll always be with you." And she's not wrong. I had a stark realization that this will forever be with me. I can't shake it. You name it, I've tried everything. Prayer. Medication. Meditation. … Continue reading My constant companion(s)
Religion & faith in context: The Book of Longings
Let me start by saying, Wow. I was blown away by this book by Sue Monk Kidd, who also wrote the best-selling Secret Life of Bees (which I have not read). The Book of Longings was really a book I have needed in my life for a long time, though it was just released. It … Continue reading Religion & faith in context: The Book of Longings
Fooling myself
For a good chunk of my life I had no idea how to relax. I would be so excited for what seemed like endless amounts of time on the weekends or school breaks, and then it would feel like I squandered it by doing... I don't even know what, exactly. By the time I reached … Continue reading Fooling myself
Equal and opposite reaction
Physics was not my best class. Here I was, senior year of high school, vying for the "Seven-Semester High Honors" title I would share with many of my classmates. Our grades weren't weighted, but I'd be damned if I got either that honor or valedictorian (something I shared with 20 of my classmates) without going … Continue reading Equal and opposite reaction
When ‘no’ means ‘yes’
Busyness is a form of people pleasing, and people pleasing is a coping strategy. If I can't feel good about myself from the inside, then I make sure to get as much external validation as possible. The more I say yes, the harder I work, the more validation I receive which, because of how I … Continue reading When ‘no’ means ‘yes’
Out of grief, thankfulness
As the plane circled Midway, I was fuming. Angry. Upset. And desperately wishing the pilot would turn us back to Baltimore. I looked out the window and my body told me that it remembered the intense, confusing, and raw grief I experienced several years ago when my grandpa died and I flew 'home' for the … Continue reading Out of grief, thankfulness
Self-actualization
I've learned a hell of a lot about myself in the past few months. Summer was a lovely time of watching sunrises, reading books (check out my Goodreads on the side bar), namely, getting back into fiction and even fantasy. I've been really connecting with who I am at my core. And also getting shit … Continue reading Self-actualization
Writer’s block is a bully.
Maybe if I write about writer's block, it'll go away. You know, just like those bullies that called me "four eyes" and "nerd" and "goody two shoes" at school. In a way, writer's block bullies me too. There are many times throughout the day whether I'm in the car, in the shower, on a run, … Continue reading Writer’s block is a bully.
mercies per mile 
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