Why is it that as soon as I open this fucking laptop My nervous system starts to calm down My breathing starts to return to normal After an entire day of wanting to crawl out of my skin And leave this world behind My heart is still in my body, and it still hurts My … Continue reading Why is it
Category: anxiety
But I love my rusty tools, dammit
Sometimes I'm worried I won't have anything to write about, and then I realize AuDHD is not just a phase. I think by and large I've worked my way out of the throes of My Big Autistic Burnout. Thank God. I'm in the phase of post-burnout where I'm finessing my coping strategies (still working) and … Continue reading But I love my rusty tools, dammit
Sick and tired
Aren't you tired (and I'm feeling physically sick)Aren't you sick of looking at yourself in the mirror and wanting to shrink or be anyone elseArent you sick of being sad and stressed and upset and on the brink of despair the majority of the dayAnd despondent when you wake up in the night You can … Continue reading Sick and tired
Staycation: a save point.
I recently took a spring break of my own making, an entire week. This length of time is in quite stark contrast to spring break in my last job as a public school teacher. In the particular district I was working for, we never had a full week of for spring break. Most years we … Continue reading Staycation: a save point.
Flaky Church Girl
In this post I reflect on my experiences as a neurodivergent individual within church settings, discussing challenges like social interactions, sensory overload, and accessibility issues. I emphasize the need for compassion and inclusivity in the church, advocating for accommodations and understanding, ultimately allowing for a renewed, self-accepting relationship with faith and community.
Emerging from the tsunami of burnout
Come on, come on / Out from underneath who you were / Come on, come on now / You know that it's time to emerge ("Emergence," Sleep Token) Now that I'm coming out of burnout, I find that I'm bleary-eyed and ravenous. I would liken it to hibernation, but there was a lot more happening … Continue reading Emerging from the tsunami of burnout
Meltdown: Implosion Explained (Part 5)*
*This post is part of a series of reflections written as I explored my neurodivergence prior to diagnosis. Originally written August 2023. Life feels hard, every day. I wish it wasn’t. There are some days that are easier than others. But I feel like there’s always something to dread - some commitment, some phone call, something … Continue reading Meltdown: Implosion Explained (Part 5)*
Things That Make Sense (Part 4)*
*This post is part of a series of reflections written as I explored my neurodivergence prior to diagnosis. Originally written July 2023. I've always been a list-maker. But imagine my glee when I was first diving into "Am I autistic?!" explorations and was so happy to make lists about everything... Here is a list of … Continue reading Things That Make Sense (Part 4)*
Autistic Brownout (Part 3)*
*This post is part of a series of reflections written as I explored my neurodivergence prior to diagnosis. Originally written July 2023. I knew about burnout but I didn’t know about autistic burnout. And fuck, I guess that’s what this is. My whole life, I have been thinking pretty regularly, A vacation would fix this. … Continue reading Autistic Brownout (Part 3)*
Anticipatory Rejection
To be neurodivergent is to know anticipatory rejection. With enough practice, you can learn how to accurately guess when you might be made the "pariah" of the group, and guessing right can save you. Unfortunately it takes a lot of time and experience and heartache to learn this. But it can be done. All it … Continue reading Anticipatory Rejection
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 