Sometimes I'm worried I won't have anything to write about, and then I realize AuDHD is not just a phase. I think by and large I've worked my way out of the throes of My Big Autistic Burnout. Thank God. I'm in the phase of post-burnout where I'm finessing my coping strategies (still working) and … Continue reading But I love my rusty tools, dammit
Category: emotions
Sick and tired
Aren't you tired (and I'm feeling physically sick)Aren't you sick of looking at yourself in the mirror and wanting to shrink or be anyone elseArent you sick of being sad and stressed and upset and on the brink of despair the majority of the dayAnd despondent when you wake up in the night You can … Continue reading Sick and tired
lighter
how can you make things lighter? how (can / should / will) you remove the tethers and nails and boxes? how (can / should / will) you stretch your mind into time and space of transcendent light and hope? how can you make things brighter? how (can / should / will) you open the dusty … Continue reading lighter
Meltdown: Implosion Explained (Part 5)*
*This post is part of a series of reflections written as I explored my neurodivergence prior to diagnosis. Originally written August 2023. Life feels hard, every day. I wish it wasn’t. There are some days that are easier than others. But I feel like there’s always something to dread - some commitment, some phone call, something … Continue reading Meltdown: Implosion Explained (Part 5)*
This is Genetic (Part 2)*
*This post is part of a series of reflections written as I explored my neurodivergence prior to diagnosis. Originally written July 2023. I should be writing about this but I haven’t been. I’ve been doing what I guess my autistic (I want to whisper this) brain does and try to hold every detail at the … Continue reading This is Genetic (Part 2)*
Quiet mornings
There comes a time in the evening when I just want it to be the next morning. Just skip all the mundane getting-ready-for-bed habits, skip sleeping, and wake rested anticipating the day ahead. One reason I'm a "morning person" is because I absolutely love getting up right before the sun. I love watching the colors … Continue reading Quiet mornings
What is ambition, really?
Have I ever really been ambitious or singular about one particular thing in my life? That's the question I'm walking around with this morning. Also, what has been/is my ambition? And does it align at all to my place in a capitalistic society? For years I was a teacher. While I would say I had … Continue reading What is ambition, really?
Being alone is difficult
I know that when I feel anxious or swimming in thoughts, I need to just write them down. It's amazing the clarity that can be realized when I put my anxious thoughts to rest. Being alone is hard for me. Ironically, I'm an introvert. But I think in today's terms I'd be considered an "extroverted … Continue reading Being alone is difficult
If you’re smart but can’t remember what you read, read this.
When I was in junior high, we had to read Call of the Wild in English language arts class. The kicker was that we had to follow along with a cassette tape recording of the book. I remember getting in trouble for reading ahead. The funny part about it is that I actually don't remember … Continue reading If you’re smart but can’t remember what you read, read this.
Undoing the world
Recovery is going well. Physical recovery, that is. Yesterday I felt more human that I'd felt in a week since major surgery. I was able to go down the stairs in a normal fashion and get myself showered. All that in addition to making coffee and fixing breakfast. It's amazing how the little things make … Continue reading Undoing the world
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 