Why is it that as soon as I open this fucking laptop My nervous system starts to calm down My breathing starts to return to normal After an entire day of wanting to crawl out of my skin And leave this world behind My heart is still in my body, and it still hurts My … Continue reading Why is it
Category: hardship
This is Genetic (Part 2)*
*This post is part of a series of reflections written as I explored my neurodivergence prior to diagnosis. Originally written July 2023. I should be writing about this but I haven’t been. I’ve been doing what I guess my autistic (I want to whisper this) brain does and try to hold every detail at the … Continue reading This is Genetic (Part 2)*
Controlled chaos, at the very least
I think I've figured it out. The reason why I'm in a very frequent state of existential angst. I feel like I'm going up a creek in many areas of my life. I'm looking for solutions, even proposing solutions, but very few seem to be picking up what I'm putting down. It could be me. … Continue reading Controlled chaos, at the very least
Don’t look down
It's what people say when you're at an uncomfortable height. It's advice and admonishment. It's a warning against the inevitable void that will entice you to fall. It could be a bend from reality, a willful ignorance of what actually exists. At some point, we have to look down and get real. We have to … Continue reading Don’t look down
My constant companion(s)
Mental illness is a bitch. She's the shadow behind you when you look in the mirror. She's the one who whispers, "I'll always be with you." And she's not wrong. I had a stark realization that this will forever be with me. I can't shake it. You name it, I've tried everything. Prayer. Medication. Meditation. … Continue reading My constant companion(s)
Helping our inner child find the way
When you are a child, the eighteen years you spend as a child feels like eternity. I can't tell you how many times I thought, I can't wait until I'm out on my own. Until I can do whatever I want. When you're an adult, the years you spent as a child grow smaller and … Continue reading Helping our inner child find the way
From the Archives: “She Waited”
This week I finished the novel On Earth We Are Briefly Gorgeous by poet Ocean Vuong. There was so much to unpack in the beautiful masterpiece that was that book (you can read my review here - no spoilers), but one thing that triggered my subconscious. The narrator has a close relationship with his grandma, … Continue reading From the Archives: “She Waited”
“Good riddance, 2020.”
I think so many people across God's green earth would agree with the sentiment of "Good riddance, 2020." "Peace out." "Fuck off." "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." Twenty-twenty was a year. And damn, does it feel good to be about three weeks away from it, to have 2020 growing smaller … Continue reading “Good riddance, 2020.”
Religion & faith in context: The Book of Longings
Let me start by saying, Wow. I was blown away by this book by Sue Monk Kidd, who also wrote the best-selling Secret Life of Bees (which I have not read). The Book of Longings was really a book I have needed in my life for a long time, though it was just released. It … Continue reading Religion & faith in context: The Book of Longings
Twilight as liminal space
We are approaching the longest night and shortest day of the year. I always focus on the night part. https://www.goodfon.com/wallpaper/laplandiya-finlyandiya-zima-sneg-5978.html Winter twilight produces some of the weirdest light. Night comes on fast, especially if it's a day like today where skies have been gray and heavy with frozen precipitation. At one point, there is still … Continue reading Twilight as liminal space
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 