I am terrified I won't feel passion for any life decision again. I spent 28 years of my life preparing to house and birth a child. I chose my college major and my profession around my desire to be a mother. When dating I looked for someone who would not only be a great life … Continue reading Passion + espresso
Category: infertility awareness
The Gift of Enough
Sometimes I do the torturous math and think that if we had had a child soon after we started trying, he/she would be a preschooler. And sometimes I think that maybe we'd have had another one by now, too. I guess I aspired to be a mom with kids close in age, and voluntarily participate … Continue reading The Gift of Enough
“Good with children”
I've always been this way, good with children. If there's such a thing as a maternal instinct, I have it. As much as I'd like to say I always played with Legos and didn't prefer my Cabbage Patch Kids and doll house and play kitchen, I'd be lying if I did. Not that having a … Continue reading “Good with children”
A Little Bit (of) Sad
Today during a lesson with a newcomer student, she and I were chatting in Spanish and she said that I seemed a little sad to her. I told her, I was a little tired actually. And in her sweet Honduran Spanish, looking down at the letters she was tracing with her adorable dark pigtail braids, … Continue reading A Little Bit (of) Sad
To my little girl.
We had names for you both. One of you was going to be Dagny Elayne, the first name after Dagny Taggart of Atlas Shrugged, a real go-getter with a kickass personality; the second name was after a character in your daddy's all time favorite book series, Wheel of Time. To be honest, I wasn't a huge fan … Continue reading To my little girl.
Rejecting platitudes and accepting the pain of grief
I couldn't hear one more platitude as I shared my story. I couldn't stomach one more look of pity, or even worse, blank space behind the eyes. It was just too painful. I became exhausted listening to all the things people said to me. And I say me specifically because for some reason the man's … Continue reading Rejecting platitudes and accepting the pain of grief
The maternity section
For years and years I imagined what I'd look like with the coveted and adorable baby bump. I remember even from a young age I'd playfully stick out my stomach (especially after eating) and see what a baby might look like. I thought it was pretty cute. No lies - I've done this as an … Continue reading The maternity section
Yoga made me cry.
As I was standing in the last tadasana of my practice with hands at heart center, it hit me how actually close to my heart I had become. In the third floor 'bonus room' of our new beautiful house, with windows open and sweat (or humidity) dripping off my body, I realized that more unity … Continue reading Yoga made me cry.
The bend in the road: a reflection from January 2016
Again I write, not sure if these words will see the light of day. My last post was written almost four months ago, when I shared our story of infertility. I mentioned that there's hope that can overshadow the disappointment that comes with this journey. I wasn't sure how hope would play out over the … Continue reading The bend in the road: a reflection from January 2016
The next ‘big thing’
I turned 31 this year. Any novelty or 'I-don't-give-a-crap'-ness that ensued when I turned 30 and entered a new decade subsided last year, and this year, it was just another birthday. I've said it before and I'll say it until I die - I would not live through my 20s again if someone paid me … Continue reading The next ‘big thing’
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 