This question makes me think of the character Jean Valjean in my favorite musical of all time, Les Miserables. Prisoner 24601. That's how he was known for years and years. And I think up until his dying day, it's an identity forced on him that he carried to his grave. We all have identities that are … Continue reading Who Am I?
Category: infertility
The Gift of Enough
Sometimes I do the torturous math and think that if we had had a child soon after we started trying, he/she would be a preschooler. And sometimes I think that maybe we'd have had another one by now, too. I guess I aspired to be a mom with kids close in age, and voluntarily participate … Continue reading The Gift of Enough
“Good with children”
I've always been this way, good with children. If there's such a thing as a maternal instinct, I have it. As much as I'd like to say I always played with Legos and didn't prefer my Cabbage Patch Kids and doll house and play kitchen, I'd be lying if I did. Not that having a … Continue reading “Good with children”
A Little Bit (of) Sad
Today during a lesson with a newcomer student, she and I were chatting in Spanish and she said that I seemed a little sad to her. I told her, I was a little tired actually. And in her sweet Honduran Spanish, looking down at the letters she was tracing with her adorable dark pigtail braids, … Continue reading A Little Bit (of) Sad
Catalyst
I went through a few years playing faith and going through the motions. I felt I really had no viable option otherwise. I hadn't lost my faith but I didn't feel connected either. The time after my first grandma died was also the time I was initially grieving children we would never have, and for … Continue reading Catalyst
Fulfilled
For the past couple years I've been on a quest to find out what on this earth makes me feel fulfilled. What can I do, where can I go, that makes me feel the best kind of emotionally exhausted at the end of the day. I haven't quite found the pot of gold yet but … Continue reading Fulfilled
To my little girl.
We had names for you both. One of you was going to be Dagny Elayne, the first name after Dagny Taggart of Atlas Shrugged, a real go-getter with a kickass personality; the second name was after a character in your daddy's all time favorite book series, Wheel of Time. To be honest, I wasn't a huge fan … Continue reading To my little girl.
Rejecting platitudes and accepting the pain of grief
I couldn't hear one more platitude as I shared my story. I couldn't stomach one more look of pity, or even worse, blank space behind the eyes. It was just too painful. I became exhausted listening to all the things people said to me. And I say me specifically because for some reason the man's … Continue reading Rejecting platitudes and accepting the pain of grief
The maternity section
For years and years I imagined what I'd look like with the coveted and adorable baby bump. I remember even from a young age I'd playfully stick out my stomach (especially after eating) and see what a baby might look like. I thought it was pretty cute. No lies - I've done this as an … Continue reading The maternity section
Yoga made me cry.
As I was standing in the last tadasana of my practice with hands at heart center, it hit me how actually close to my heart I had become. In the third floor 'bonus room' of our new beautiful house, with windows open and sweat (or humidity) dripping off my body, I realized that more unity … Continue reading Yoga made me cry.
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 