Sometimes I'm worried I won't have anything to write about, and then I realize AuDHD is not just a phase. I think by and large I've worked my way out of the throes of My Big Autistic Burnout. Thank God. I'm in the phase of post-burnout where I'm finessing my coping strategies (still working) and … Continue reading But I love my rusty tools, dammit
Category: therapy
Controlled chaos, at the very least
I think I've figured it out. The reason why I'm in a very frequent state of existential angst. I feel like I'm going up a creek in many areas of my life. I'm looking for solutions, even proposing solutions, but very few seem to be picking up what I'm putting down. It could be me. … Continue reading Controlled chaos, at the very least
154 days
I spared a moment of generosity this week and placed my leftover candy in the main office at work. I'd been stealing "fun size" candy for days now, weeks. I had originally bought it for a meeting I had this month, thinking, "Yeah, Elizabeth, you can control yourself with candy in the room. Just three … Continue reading 154 days
Fooling myself
For a good chunk of my life I had no idea how to relax. I would be so excited for what seemed like endless amounts of time on the weekends or school breaks, and then it would feel like I squandered it by doing... I don't even know what, exactly. By the time I reached … Continue reading Fooling myself
On the edge of thirty-five
There's been a lot that's come up in recent months that I haven't expected to address right now. And lots that I have expected. On the surface, I will be reaching "advanced maternal age" when I turn 35 in April 2021, notwithstanding the fact that I don't have children over whom to be maternal. They … Continue reading On the edge of thirty-five
When ‘no’ means ‘yes’
Busyness is a form of people pleasing, and people pleasing is a coping strategy. If I can't feel good about myself from the inside, then I make sure to get as much external validation as possible. The more I say yes, the harder I work, the more validation I receive which, because of how I … Continue reading When ‘no’ means ‘yes’
The Mean Girl in the Mirror
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You're too tall. You'd better feign an interest in sports so people think you're living up to your height. You're too skinny and too tall. Your handwriting sucks. Erase and write your name again. And again. Be careful about showing too much of the silhouette of your body. Men will make noises at you when … Continue reading The Mean Girl in the Mirror
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 