*This post is part of a series of reflections written as I explored my neurodivergence prior to diagnosis. Originally written July 2023. It all started during COVID, I think. The shutdown was a balm for my soul. Some part of me hates admitting that - people died. Lots of people died. But for the first … Continue reading Self-Realization: the Onset (Part 1)*
Category: anxiety
There is no fix but through
I'm here to tell you that there is no end-all be-all fix to mental illness. In some ways, as I've been taking off and discarding old layers of myself, I find even more that I need to address. It's depressing, quite literally. I only have so much time in a day, and so much energy … Continue reading There is no fix but through
Middle of May
It's almost the middle of May How do I make time slow down? Be more present. Be more present. Be more present. Be more present. Be present.
New job, who dis?
It's halfway through August and I've had a lot of feelings come up. I'm not returning to the classroom as I resigned at the end of the year, but my body thinks I am. It's what we call "fake fall" on the East Coast, meaning the temps have dropped a little bit but will return … Continue reading New job, who dis?
What is ambition, really?
Have I ever really been ambitious or singular about one particular thing in my life? That's the question I'm walking around with this morning. Also, what has been/is my ambition? And does it align at all to my place in a capitalistic society? For years I was a teacher. While I would say I had … Continue reading What is ambition, really?
Being alone is difficult
I know that when I feel anxious or swimming in thoughts, I need to just write them down. It's amazing the clarity that can be realized when I put my anxious thoughts to rest. Being alone is hard for me. Ironically, I'm an introvert. But I think in today's terms I'd be considered an "extroverted … Continue reading Being alone is difficult
If you’re smart but can’t remember what you read, read this.
When I was in junior high, we had to read Call of the Wild in English language arts class. The kicker was that we had to follow along with a cassette tape recording of the book. I remember getting in trouble for reading ahead. The funny part about it is that I actually don't remember … Continue reading If you’re smart but can’t remember what you read, read this.
Changing the tone of self-talk
For my whole life, I've equated what I do with who I am. As in, I have believed that my actions demonstrate the type of person I am. This means that for my whole life, I've been labeling myself. Applying dichotomies to my character, oftentimes false. If I said I'm not sure where I learned … Continue reading Changing the tone of self-talk
Undoing the world
Recovery is going well. Physical recovery, that is. Yesterday I felt more human that I'd felt in a week since major surgery. I was able to go down the stairs in a normal fashion and get myself showered. All that in addition to making coffee and fixing breakfast. It's amazing how the little things make … Continue reading Undoing the world
Controlled chaos, at the very least
I think I've figured it out. The reason why I'm in a very frequent state of existential angst. I feel like I'm going up a creek in many areas of my life. I'm looking for solutions, even proposing solutions, but very few seem to be picking up what I'm putting down. It could be me. … Continue reading Controlled chaos, at the very least
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 