Why is it that my heartrate increases and my breathing become jagged when I come across evidence of a previous version of myself -- that is, the one that wholeheartedly committed to the Pentecostal evangelical way of doing faith? I feel so many things when I hear the jargon, see smiling people worshipping together, come … Continue reading The clouded lens of faith
Category: grief
Religion & faith in context: The Book of Longings
Let me start by saying, Wow. I was blown away by this book by Sue Monk Kidd, who also wrote the best-selling Secret Life of Bees (which I have not read). The Book of Longings was really a book I have needed in my life for a long time, though it was just released. It … Continue reading Religion & faith in context: The Book of Longings
Hymn’s come home
If I were to choose a playlist of songs to make up the soundtrack to my biography, at the very top of the list tied for first place there would be classic rock and Methodist hymns. The top artists would be Heart and Charles Wesley. The former as a nod to the music I was … Continue reading Hymn’s come home
Books under the rug
The memories we have as children are grossly underestimated. The experiences, people, sayings, jokes, smells, foods, books... it's really amazing that all of this fits so well as it's swept under a rug. Until it doesn't fit, and one by one each memory or book or food grows legs and crawls out, peeking its head … Continue reading Books under the rug
When they’re all grown up
Sometimes the house is too quiet, sometimes the floors are too clean. On a lazy, cool, and rainy Sunday afternoon, which have been quite rare, I become more aware of my inner thoughts than I have been in awhile. I seem to oscillate between thinking and feeling, doing and observing. And I've been doing a … Continue reading When they’re all grown up
Vanishing
With all this time at home and so many headlines, I find I'm spending way more time on my phone in the past week than I have in a long time. As a result of scrolling, I saw this video of Kelly Clarkson (have always been a fan) doing an a cappella version of Mariah … Continue reading Vanishing
Equal and opposite reaction
Physics was not my best class. Here I was, senior year of high school, vying for the "Seven-Semester High Honors" title I would share with many of my classmates. Our grades weren't weighted, but I'd be damned if I got either that honor or valedictorian (something I shared with 20 of my classmates) without going … Continue reading Equal and opposite reaction
When ‘no’ means ‘yes’
Busyness is a form of people pleasing, and people pleasing is a coping strategy. If I can't feel good about myself from the inside, then I make sure to get as much external validation as possible. The more I say yes, the harder I work, the more validation I receive which, because of how I … Continue reading When ‘no’ means ‘yes’
Out of grief, thankfulness
As the plane circled Midway, I was fuming. Angry. Upset. And desperately wishing the pilot would turn us back to Baltimore. I looked out the window and my body told me that it remembered the intense, confusing, and raw grief I experienced several years ago when my grandpa died and I flew 'home' for the … Continue reading Out of grief, thankfulness
Unconditional ice cream
School is out here in Maryland (finally) and consequently I've been able to do errands like grocery shopping and running to the post office during regular business hours. It's been glorious. And I know when late August rolls around I will whine and complain that now I don't have time for work because I just … Continue reading Unconditional ice cream
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 