I always wondered why when I went to my grandparents' or great-grandparents' houses, it was quiet. It was quiet except for the hourly tone of the clock. It was quiet except for the shuffle of a newspaper or drip-drip-drip of the coffee pot. It was unnerving, really, and kind of annoying. Now, knowing that I … Continue reading Sitting in silence
Category: grief
The Mean Girl in the Mirror
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You're too tall. You'd better feign an interest in sports so people think you're living up to your height. You're too skinny and too tall. Your handwriting sucks. Erase and write your name again. And again. Be careful about showing too much of the silhouette of your body. Men will make noises at you when … Continue reading The Mean Girl in the Mirror
A lighted match
Anytime I think I don't need to go so frequently to the therapist, I'm proven wrong. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes I internally measure my need for therapy by how long it takes me to start crying in a session. I get a cup of tea from the Keurig that's provided in the practice I go … Continue reading A lighted match
Honesty is the best policy, with yourself
It's two weeks into the new year but I think I'm finally coming up with a solid resolution. Sure, getting up 15 minutes earlier on work days is great, but I thought of something that will help every minute of every day become better. This year I've decided to be honest with myself. This phrase … Continue reading Honesty is the best policy, with yourself
Watching someone die
Watching someone die. A participial phrase hanging in the balance. One evening this summer I watched someone I love die. It has to be one of the most heart-wrenching and beautiful events I've witnessed in my third-of-a-century life. It's beautiful in the objective sense of the word... unique and relatable and human and precious. All … Continue reading Watching someone die
Grocery Checkout Memories
I was finishing my Christmas shopping at the grocery store just a mile from my house. The check out line wasn't particularly long but the person in front of me needed a price check. So there I was, browsing the candy like a kid when I saw it. Mentos. I love the fruity ones, but … Continue reading Grocery Checkout Memories
Who Am I?
This question makes me think of the character Jean Valjean in my favorite musical of all time, Les Miserables. Prisoner 24601. That's how he was known for years and years. And I think up until his dying day, it's an identity forced on him that he carried to his grave. We all have identities that are … Continue reading Who Am I?
“Good with children”
I've always been this way, good with children. If there's such a thing as a maternal instinct, I have it. As much as I'd like to say I always played with Legos and didn't prefer my Cabbage Patch Kids and doll house and play kitchen, I'd be lying if I did. Not that having a … Continue reading “Good with children”
A Little Bit (of) Sad
Today during a lesson with a newcomer student, she and I were chatting in Spanish and she said that I seemed a little sad to her. I told her, I was a little tired actually. And in her sweet Honduran Spanish, looking down at the letters she was tracing with her adorable dark pigtail braids, … Continue reading A Little Bit (of) Sad
Catalyst
I went through a few years playing faith and going through the motions. I felt I really had no viable option otherwise. I hadn't lost my faith but I didn't feel connected either. The time after my first grandma died was also the time I was initially grieving children we would never have, and for … Continue reading Catalyst
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 