I did not want to bring Grief into this house. She follows me though, small bare feet pattering up the concrete stairs. I don't realize she's followed me in until later, when I find her hiding under the bed. She must be cold and lonely and hungry. I clasp her small tender hands and lift … Continue reading here and gone [poem]
Tag: grief
Quiet mornings
There comes a time in the evening when I just want it to be the next morning. Just skip all the mundane getting-ready-for-bed habits, skip sleeping, and wake rested anticipating the day ahead. One reason I'm a "morning person" is because I absolutely love getting up right before the sun. I love watching the colors … Continue reading Quiet mornings
There is no fix but through
I'm here to tell you that there is no end-all be-all fix to mental illness. In some ways, as I've been taking off and discarding old layers of myself, I find even more that I need to address. It's depressing, quite literally. I only have so much time in a day, and so much energy … Continue reading There is no fix but through
Controlled chaos, at the very least
I think I've figured it out. The reason why I'm in a very frequent state of existential angst. I feel like I'm going up a creek in many areas of my life. I'm looking for solutions, even proposing solutions, but very few seem to be picking up what I'm putting down. It could be me. … Continue reading Controlled chaos, at the very least
“Good riddance, 2020.”
I think so many people across God's green earth would agree with the sentiment of "Good riddance, 2020." "Peace out." "Fuck off." "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." Twenty-twenty was a year. And damn, does it feel good to be about three weeks away from it, to have 2020 growing smaller … Continue reading “Good riddance, 2020.”
Vanishing
With all this time at home and so many headlines, I find I'm spending way more time on my phone in the past week than I have in a long time. As a result of scrolling, I saw this video of Kelly Clarkson (have always been a fan) doing an a cappella version of Mariah … Continue reading Vanishing
Equal and opposite reaction
Physics was not my best class. Here I was, senior year of high school, vying for the "Seven-Semester High Honors" title I would share with many of my classmates. Our grades weren't weighted, but I'd be damned if I got either that honor or valedictorian (something I shared with 20 of my classmates) without going … Continue reading Equal and opposite reaction
Unconditional ice cream
School is out here in Maryland (finally) and consequently I've been able to do errands like grocery shopping and running to the post office during regular business hours. It's been glorious. And I know when late August rolls around I will whine and complain that now I don't have time for work because I just … Continue reading Unconditional ice cream
Sitting in silence
I always wondered why when I went to my grandparents' or great-grandparents' houses, it was quiet. It was quiet except for the hourly tone of the clock. It was quiet except for the shuffle of a newspaper or drip-drip-drip of the coffee pot. It was unnerving, really, and kind of annoying. Now, knowing that I … Continue reading Sitting in silence
A lighted match
Anytime I think I don't need to go so frequently to the therapist, I'm proven wrong. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes I internally measure my need for therapy by how long it takes me to start crying in a session. I get a cup of tea from the Keurig that's provided in the practice I go … Continue reading A lighted match
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 