This blog post is coming to you from an adorable coffee shop about half a mile from my house. "Exposure therapy" is good, and probably necessary this many years on. So here I am in public, among children and strollers and women wearing some variation of "Mama Bear" sweatshirts. Today is Mother's Day, and I … Continue reading Mother’s Day & Matriarchs
Tag: infertility awareness
Making peace with Mother’s Day
Earlier this week, my husband made the decision that we were not going to church today. I was totally on board with this, and very happy that I did not have to make the decision and the argument to go along with it. It's not that we hate church; it's just that the church in … Continue reading Making peace with Mother’s Day
Coming back into my body
Over the past seven years or so, I have been made acutely aware of my body. At first she seemed like a stranger to me, someone you pass in the night but can't quite see past the darkness and shadows. It's quite ironic that I was so separated from my body because I am tall. … Continue reading Coming back into my body
Books under the rug
The memories we have as children are grossly underestimated. The experiences, people, sayings, jokes, smells, foods, books... it's really amazing that all of this fits so well as it's swept under a rug. Until it doesn't fit, and one by one each memory or book or food grows legs and crawls out, peeking its head … Continue reading Books under the rug
Boundaries
I don't normally write for this blog on my work laptop and I usually have my Sunday post done by now, but my personal laptop seems to be dead. At least for now. Quite a bummer, too, because I was working on a very cozy vibe for a mid-autumn Sunday morning - complete quiet, a … Continue reading Boundaries
How the prosperity gospel ruined my peace, and other stories | [Unpublished post from 2015].
I'm sharing this private unpublished post in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week. To all the people who are sick of society's and the collective church's bullshit about conceiving a child and what constitutes a family. When I'm in crisis, I write. A lot. As a colleague says when there's nothing else to say: words, … Continue reading How the prosperity gospel ruined my peace, and other stories | [Unpublished post from 2015].
Vanishing
With all this time at home and so many headlines, I find I'm spending way more time on my phone in the past week than I have in a long time. As a result of scrolling, I saw this video of Kelly Clarkson (have always been a fan) doing an a cappella version of Mariah … Continue reading Vanishing
Passion + espresso
I am terrified I won't feel passion for any life decision again. I spent 28 years of my life preparing to house and birth a child. I chose my college major and my profession around my desire to be a mother. When dating I looked for someone who would not only be a great life … Continue reading Passion + espresso
To my little girl.
We had names for you both. One of you was going to be Dagny Elayne, the first name after Dagny Taggart of Atlas Shrugged, a real go-getter with a kickass personality; the second name was after a character in your daddy's all time favorite book series, Wheel of Time. To be honest, I wasn't a huge fan … Continue reading To my little girl.
Rejecting platitudes and accepting the pain of grief
I couldn't hear one more platitude as I shared my story. I couldn't stomach one more look of pity, or even worse, blank space behind the eyes. It was just too painful. I became exhausted listening to all the things people said to me. And I say me specifically because for some reason the man's … Continue reading Rejecting platitudes and accepting the pain of grief
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 