This blog post is coming to you from an adorable coffee shop about half a mile from my house. "Exposure therapy" is good, and probably necessary this many years on. So here I am in public, among children and strollers and women wearing some variation of "Mama Bear" sweatshirts. Today is Mother's Day, and I … Continue reading Mother’s Day & Matriarchs
Category: grief
here and gone [poem]
I did not want to bring Grief into this house. She follows me though, small bare feet pattering up the concrete stairs. I don't realize she's followed me in until later, when I find her hiding under the bed. She must be cold and lonely and hungry. I clasp her small tender hands and lift … Continue reading here and gone [poem]
Broken heart but healing
Last month, my heart was broken into tiny pieces when our beloved Missy died. I think this experience has impacted the progress I've been making and work I've been diligently doing. I guess you could say it was the epitome of the word "triggered" - so many feelings and memories of events came rushing back … Continue reading Broken heart but healing
Don’t look down
It's what people say when you're at an uncomfortable height. It's advice and admonishment. It's a warning against the inevitable void that will entice you to fall. It could be a bend from reality, a willful ignorance of what actually exists. At some point, we have to look down and get real. We have to … Continue reading Don’t look down
Making peace with Mother’s Day
Earlier this week, my husband made the decision that we were not going to church today. I was totally on board with this, and very happy that I did not have to make the decision and the argument to go along with it. It's not that we hate church; it's just that the church in … Continue reading Making peace with Mother’s Day
My constant companion(s)
Mental illness is a bitch. She's the shadow behind you when you look in the mirror. She's the one who whispers, "I'll always be with you." And she's not wrong. I had a stark realization that this will forever be with me. I can't shake it. You name it, I've tried everything. Prayer. Medication. Meditation. … Continue reading My constant companion(s)
Helping our inner child find the way
When you are a child, the eighteen years you spend as a child feels like eternity. I can't tell you how many times I thought, I can't wait until I'm out on my own. Until I can do whatever I want. When you're an adult, the years you spent as a child grow smaller and … Continue reading Helping our inner child find the way
From the Archives: “She Waited”
This week I finished the novel On Earth We Are Briefly Gorgeous by poet Ocean Vuong. There was so much to unpack in the beautiful masterpiece that was that book (you can read my review here - no spoilers), but one thing that triggered my subconscious. The narrator has a close relationship with his grandma, … Continue reading From the Archives: “She Waited”
Coming back into my body
Over the past seven years or so, I have been made acutely aware of my body. At first she seemed like a stranger to me, someone you pass in the night but can't quite see past the darkness and shadows. It's quite ironic that I was so separated from my body because I am tall. … Continue reading Coming back into my body
“Good riddance, 2020.”
I think so many people across God's green earth would agree with the sentiment of "Good riddance, 2020." "Peace out." "Fuck off." "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." Twenty-twenty was a year. And damn, does it feel good to be about three weeks away from it, to have 2020 growing smaller … Continue reading “Good riddance, 2020.”
MPM 2.0: mercy unmasked 