>Darn perfectionism

>Now that summer is upon us and most people are wearing less clothes (some are significantly more revealing than others, ahem), I find my little friend called Perfectionism whispering into my ear.

Before I had lost 40 pounds, all I could think was, “If only I could lose 20 pounds, then I’d be happy.” Then when I’d lost that much, I’d think, “If only I could weigh what I did in high school… I’ll be happy with myself then.”

I hit my goal, and surprise, surprise, I realized this morning that my body does not reach my ridiculously high standards. I even find myself dillydallying (yes, that’s a word) at the grocery store to compare my completely normal, imperfect body with those of the magazines’ “best and worst swimsuit bodies”.

What in the world? I worked hard to lose those 40 pounds, and darn it, I should be proud. I should be confident in my own skin instead of wishing I looked like someone else. Who wants to be one of those super-skinny emaciated models anyway? They don’t have real curves, and Lord knows they don’t eat real food. They also don’t have much muscle tone from marathon training…

I’m not willing to give up my occasional every-other-day ice cream for the absolute best and most trim body…  and that’s fine. On my good days, I look in the mirror and am proud of my curves and my height, though sometimes it’s difficult finding clothes that fit just right.

I realize that there are many people out there who have much deeper struggles than I do. More weight to lose, more health issues that get in the way of exercise (thank God my heart issue does not prevent running!). I’m also not fishing for compliments… I’m just being real, maybe saying what others are thinking about themselves. The point I’m trying to make is that if we let ourselves, we can get so caught up in how we look that we miss out on appreciating the amazing benefits of losing weight and exercising.

I will never be the fastest runner… I will never be the most fit woman… I will never have my “ideal” body… but I’m healthy, fit, strong and have done things I never thought I’d achieve like run a marathon. I enjoy being active and [most days] I like what I see in the mirror. That’s something to be celebrated!