>Change of plans

>Steph posted a blog about some things I’ve been thinking about lately that I was going to blog anyway… very encouraging!

I thought by the time that I was the ripe old age of twenty-five I’d be a mother. I will be twenty-five next April and there are no plans in the works for children anytime soon, for our own reasons. It’s so funny how when you’re dating, everyone asks when you’re getting engaged. Then getting married. Then having children. Then…

I’m not too fond of the prying. I’m also not fond of the expectations society puts on us. Actually, my expectations are probably more harsh. I’m over the career expectation. I have a degree that I’m still paying thousands of dollars on. So what. It looks pretty in its wood frame, but it in itself does not bring me joy. It’s interesting how after years and years of schooling, studying, money and stress I find that my joy is found elsewhere. I truly made an idol out of school and being successful academically.

I will never regret the four years I spent at Bradley, not ever. I learned invaluable lessons and got the opportunity to study one of my first loves – the Spanish language. But I just can’t fathom at this point all the energy and sweat I put into it, treating it as a god.

I think anything we do will not bring us true joy unless it is the right time. I am content to wait on the Lord for Him to move and provide opportunities.

My identity, like I’ve said many times before, is in Christ and Christ only. Being a student, teacher, wife or mother do not define me. I’m in a period of transition that most of the time is good but sometimes can be frustrating. If I’m not a teacher full-time (using that pretty piece of paper) or a mom, then what am I?

My husband told me the other night that I am an incredible woman of God. Oh, how I strive to be. That is one of the sincerest and loveliest compliments anyone has ever given me. That is what I am. I am a woman, and I love the Lord.

People can argue about gender identity all they want, but many of my desires are driven by the fact that I am a woman, and that I’m made in God’s image. That realization brings me peace and satisfaction one those days when I really wonder what use I am, or if I’m doing enough.

It’s at those times where I am thankful that God is God and He controls everything. I’m content to lay my cross down another day and rest in His goodness.