Staycation: a save point.

I recently took a spring break of my own making, an entire week. This length of time is in quite stark contrast to spring break in my last job as a public school teacher. In the particular district I was working for, we never had a full week of for spring break. Most years we would have a four-day weekend over Easter.

It was never enough. Usually that weekend for me was full of church activities or visits with family. What I really needed a spring ramped up towards the busy end of the school year was true rest.

Last week, my first week back to work, was a very good week. And I define “good” by being productive, not prone to sensory overwhelm, (I think) fully present in my conversations both in the office and at home, and not feeling desperate for the weekend.

I have analyzed the aspects of this particular staycation that afforded me the rest and rejuvenation I needed as an AuDHDer…. because what looks like sufficient rest, or a particular way to rest, has not fit the bill for me in the past.

First of all, I think it’s important to recognize that being autistic and ADHD does not have to be (and I argue should not be!) synonymous with struggling day in and day out. I think I’m coming out of a years-long burnout, and so feeling the daily struggle is normal. I have to be careful to not tread those neural pathways too frequently so that it becomes well-worn.

Point #1: Not worrying about the clock. This is obvious. But throughout a normal week I’m constantly aware of what time it is, what I “should” be doing at that time, making sure I don’t forget anything for the next day at work, etc. If I can have even two or three days in a row where I don’t have to worry about that, I just feel like a weight has been lifted. I can be more flexible with bedtime and wake time… and I end up getting up at a pretty consistent time anyway.

Point #2: Not having to mask in front of my husband or my sister (who visited during my week off). This is an incredible weight off my shoulders that before I realized I was AuDHD, I had no idea was contributing to so much of my stress and fatigue. Throughout my life, I perceived myself as showing or hiding different parts of my personality based on the audience or social situation. I know now that the feeling that I was “hiding” or “misrepresenting” parts of myself at school, church, choir practice, with friends, etc, was a contributor to my ongoing anxiety and depression. I’m doing more work on self-acceptance so that I can unmask a greater percentage of the time.

Point #3: Exposure therapy to processing and managing meltdowns – for the past several months, I’ve been concerned that I only really have meltdowns with my husband around. While I don’t like the fact that my sister had to witness a few meltdowns, it was reassuring to know that this was a “me” thing, as weird as that sounds. And despite not having to mask, and having my sensory needs mostly met, I still had meltdowns. Knowing that this comes from being autistic / ADHD is a HUGE relief to me, because before diagnosis, I truly thought something was so wrong with me. Now I know, there’s nothing wrong with me. My brain is wired differently. Meltdowns will happen – I need to continue developing strategies and skills to address them.

I used to think of “vacation” as a time when I could unmoor myself from my mental difficulties and just embrace ease. However, what I have realized from this staycation, is that having healthy ways to process meltdowns or emotional dysregulation is actually helpful for enjoying my time off more, rather than coming back from a vacation and realizing I need to find where I left off.

Point #4: I got the opportunity to process more of my diagnoses and lived experience with trusted people including my sisters. It seems the majority of our family is neurodivergent in some way, so with safe people in my family I feel “at home” rather than like I’m the strange one. It cannot be overstated that having even just a few supportive and empathetic people in your life can make a huge difference. Bonus points if the people are related to you by blood… the positive impact of “being seen” is exponential.

Point #5: Coffee / sparkling water + fresh air / sunshine – Spring has sprung in the Midwest, and having the opportunity to get outside for a walk, having a drink on a coffee shop patio while sitting in the sun… or just porch sitting with my sisters while nephews jumped on the trampoline was… healing. Being present, in the moment, engaging in conversation, just being human in this very volatile time in history is really really important.

I’ve turned a corner post-diagnosis that I’m so so grateful for. It truly feels similar to a “save point” in a videogame, where even if you exit the game, you cannot re-enter before the save point.