Sick and tired

Aren’t you tired (and I’m feeling physically sick)
Aren’t you sick of looking at yourself in the mirror and wanting to shrink or be anyone else
Arent you sick of being sad and stressed and upset and on the brink of despair the majority of the day
And despondent when you wake up in the night

You can take the pills and hormones and see the doctors and therapists
But until you triage yourself in your own ER you won’t ever get better

I’m sick of hating my body and wishing it looked like literally any other body
I’m sick of the solicitations to get a summer body

(Bitch as soon as solstice rolls around I will have a summer body)

I’m sick of the rhetoric that I need more motivation, that I’m not consistent enough to finally arrive at something that’s always been out of my reach
(I’m consistently sick and tired every day; I have enough consistency to last a lifetime)

It’s been out of my reach because it was never meant for me
The thoughts and wishes and regrets and sadness were never meant for me
They were never meant for anyone

It’s time to embrace me, all of me
It’s time to wake up from this vegetative state of existing half in this world, half in cyberspace
That shit isn’t real, and we need to be reminded of that

What’s real is love and community and sunshine and pages in books
What’s real is liking what you see in the mirror (my Mimi taught me that)
What’s real is resilience built from taking risks and putting yourself out there
From telling people they can take it or leave it

I’m sick of being sick and tired
Time to be healed and awake